Darah started the tradition of attending the “Elms Gala” and we continue to attend each year. Pictured from left: Darah Farris, Cassady Dishman, Stephanie Heiser, and Kathryn Dhillon.

I have always loathed winter.  Snow, ice, subzero temperatures, boots, down coats, 45 layers, shoveling, short days, cancelled flights, post-Christmas blues, you name it and I really don’t like it.  I am a summer girl through and through, but I do always think of Darah when it snows and that certainly doesn’t happen in July.

Considering the 19 inches of snow that graced the city of Chicago on Super Bowl Sunday (and more after), I’ve been thinking of Darah quite a bit.  One of the things I admired most about Darah was her confidence, in herself, in the people around her, in the hope for a better future, in the power of education.  It is so appropriate that her name and her spirit live on in a scholarship fund for students.

In a few weeks, I will gather with some of my favorite Elms girls to make a ruckus at the annual school fundraiser.  I know we are all so grateful for the opportunity to come together every year and honor this woman that means so much to all of us.  As I make my way through the world and embark on new adventures, it is a centering and galvanizing experience to come back to this group of people.  These women have given me the most remarkable gift through our friendship: a simple but boundless sense of belonging in the world, that the world is ours to take and shape and inhabit.  This too is the legacy that Darah has left for us, her friends, her family, her scholarship recipients.

For me, these words are Darah:

“You will learn a lot about yourself if you stretch in the direction of goodness, of bigness, of kindness, of forgiveness, of emotional bravery.  Be a warrior for love.” – Cheryl Strayed, tiny beautiful things

To consistently stretch in the direction of goodness, to be courageous with emotions, to love gracefully and unconditionally, to take the world by storm, to be an agent of change – this was Darah.  And this can be us too.

Written by one of Darah’s dear friends, Kathryn Dhillon

The following is the letter that our mom put in Darah’s stocking this Christmas.  Thank you, deeply, to each of you who helped us stuff her stocking.

Christmas 2014

Dear Darah:

It is Christmas Eve. I have asked other people if they would write a letter to you, but I find it very difficult to do.

I think it is because I feel that a letter I write should be read. If the letter I write is read, all of those thoughts will be out – out in the open. When they are inside they are easier to control. Easier to contain.

Two years. I cannot believe it. Sometime a few months ago we passed the point in time when you were gone longer than you were sick. Maureen and I talked about that briefly. All we could say was “unbelievable.”

Time continues to befuddle me. It seems like the days drag – but the years fly. The moments of pain are interminable – the moments of joy, fleeting. But, I must say that oftentimes when I am scared or heartbroken, I feel you telling me that it is all OK, and I feel better.

We are figuring it out. I guess I should speak for myself. That is what I like to say when people ask, “how are you doing?” I say “we are figuring it out.”

We are not “getting used” to it. We are not “getting over” it.

We are daily figuring out how to live our lives without you here with us. We are daily figuring out how to find you and connect with you, where you are, now.

Daddy visits the cemetery daily and is just present with you. I make almost daily visits to say HI and tidy up and then I am on my way. I wistfully think I have always been this way. In a hurry. On to the next thing. When Daddy and I go together I am a little better at just being there with you.

Daddy and I hope you are glad when we hug or kiss at the cemetery. We hope you know that our love for you, and for each other, is stronger than we ever believed would be possible. We hope you are glad that we love each other and that losing you, has brought us closer. All of us. Your illness and loss has brought love to a whole new level. I venture to say it is a level of love not everyone gets to experience.

I write to you almost every day in my journal. Private thoughts. Questioning thoughts. I will never stop writing to you. I will never stop talking to you. I will never stop thinking about you. I will never stop remembering you and all our “things”. Especially some of the moments of love, tenderness, fear and joy we experienced when you were sick. Holding each other’s hands…reaching for each other when the doctor began to speak.

Because of you, we have children in our house this Christmas morning. Little, beautiful children, whom we love because they are part of you. Karter is a part of you, because he is and always will be your Godson. He bears your love and we feel you, through him. He is a good boy. A SMART boy. A talented BOY. A fun, good natured, friendly boy. I know you are so proud.

Darah is part of you because she bears your name. She probably began her life on Earth, just around the time you were getting ready to leave us. She will grow up learning about you and getting to know you. She reminds me of you. She kind of sits back and observes. She lets Karter do the talking. She is soaking it all in.

As I write this I still cannot believe you are gone. Sometimes I pretend you are in Africa or something. And in a way, how different would it be if you were? If I can truly believe you are somewhere far away and I will see you again – I feel comforted by thinking that I am just a parent whose child is far away in another country or something.

So honey, this is the life we have received. We have been tasked with being brave and living until it is our time to join you. Sometimes I feel strong enough for that task and sometimes I don’t. Then I try to think of you and how strong you have been. Taking the lead. Going out in front of us. Joining Sito and Gido and all your other ancestors. Getting to know the “lay of the land” before we get there. I miss you every moment of the day. I am the proudest Mom I could ever imagine being. Thank you for your strength and your example.

I love you, Sweet Darah.

MOMMY

Darah celebrates Christmas with Karter

Friends,

As Christmas comes closer, the loss of Darah feels more raw than usual.  The thought of her stocking hanging empty haunts us as we anticipate this day.

Last year, you all blessed us with so many letters to her that we used to fill her stocking. Our whole family sat in our living room and read the letters with each other.  Your words brought our Darah into the room.  We were so comforted by the time and love that you put into this act of service.

This year, we ask the same of the  people in our circles, communities, and support systems.  If you so choose, for your healing or for ours, we would cherish a letter to fill Darah’s stocking.

If you would like to send a letter to Darah – we will put it in her stocking.
If you want us to read it we will – If you want it to be private we will symbollically send it to Darah by throwing it in the fireplace. You can email the letter to dbfarris@aol.com, Facebook message the letter, or snail mail the letter to 555 Woodside Drive, Akron, OH 44303.

In order to respect your wishes please mark on the envelope “private” or “do not open” if you wish for your words to remain between you and Darah.

“The writing becomes a map, a note left on a tree, a rock formation at a fork in the path, a cry in the distance saying ‘this way’.”

– Unknown –

Please help us fill Darah’s stocking this year.
Love always,

The Farris Family

1. Cranes

When Darah was diagnosed with cancer, we all sprung into action. How could we be a part of her healing team? How could we support her through this journey? What could we do to help? We all took on our separate roles in her life, some as caregivers, others as comedic relief, a few of us became Wheatgrass pushers, but we all wanted to help make her feel immense amounts of love. It was only natural that our cousin Julie, an artist and environmentalist (amongst many other things) would create a piece of artwork to welcome Darah home from her first hospital stay. When Darah entered her bedroom, she was greeted by about 40 paper cranes suspended invisibly by fishing line from her bedroom ceiling. A symbol of hope and healing, the cranes danced above her bed creating a feeling peace and love that would become our motto as a family coping with such an illness.

Around the same time, my mom showed me a video of what I would eventually learn is called a murmuration, or a large flock of starlings. To see this miraculous act of nature, click on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iRNqhi2ka9k . I became quickly mesmerized by this airborne dance and was given an immense amount of peace when just moments after finding out about the passing of my sister, I saw a similar (but much smaller) act of beauty in the wintery skies of Chicago, Illinois. I knew that was the very first encounter that I would have with my sister on the other side.

It will come as no surprise to you that birds became a very important symbol for me in the quest to building this “new” relationship with my baby sis. So, when it came time to plan for the wedding, I went strait to Julie. Besides her grand idea of building a zip line into the barn for my debut as a bride, we discussed the possibility of folding a few paper cranes to represent Darah. We agreed that cranes would hang…we just had different ideas of how many. As the wedding grew closer and I got better at delegating, I asked Julie to manage the crane project. It took no time at all before she presented the idea of building a murmuration with paper cranes. This was a diversion from my idea of “a few cranes” hanging in the barn, but I was ecstatic. Julie and I quickly realized that we needed help, so we began having “folding parties” and teaching all of our friends how to fold cranes. In addition, Julie asked that before folding each crane, that the person write an intention or positive wish for our wedding. I could not believe the act of service that was happening before my eyes. So many people that I loved, writing love notes on each sheet of delicate origami paper and painstakingly folding it as a symbol of our beloved Darah. Through a series of events, and us learning about The Legend of 1,000 Cranes (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thousand_origami_cranes) Julie decided that we must have 1,000 cranes for the wedding. Cue more folding parties! Julie started hosting origami crane parties once a week and making signature cocktails and her famous hummus to lure people in. We sat in the sacred space that Darah used to call home, and while making tiny creases in paper, grew in love for each other. The result was a breathtaking display of time, effort, creativity, and love that none of our guests will quickly forget. Julie-my wish was granted long before we folded that thousandth crane-your labor of love touched me deeper than I know how to express in words. You brought Darah into the room, and for that, I am eternally grateful.

2. Memory Wall

The memory wall at our wedding was a way of remembering all the people that have touched Jeremiah and I in ways that have shaped the people that we are today. Without the love of those people, we may have never known how to love each other. We honor and cherish the people that attended our wedding in spirit and are thankful for the role that they played in our lives.

3. Gratitude Journals

As we have mentioned on this blog before, Darah’s last Christmas gift to all of us were “positivity jars” which were mason jars with slips of paper, a marker, and instructions to jot down notes about the positive things in your life. I was dead set on not spending money on favors, until we came up with the idea to spin off Darah’s positivity jars with gratitude journals for our guests. We bought Molskine journals and hand stamped each of them. Thanks to Darah and the joyful way that she lived her life, we were able to spread the message of gratitude to all of our wedding guests.

4. Jewelry

The day that Jeremiah proposed to me on the chair lift at Holiday Valley Ski Resort, he told me that he wanted to ask me to marry him on the top of a mountain so that we could be as close to Darah as possible. He went on to explain that he and his jeweler searched far and wide to find me a diamond with two very specific flaws: one called a feather and one called a cloud. Because of my strong connection to birds in flight, these slight imperfections in the diamond forever engraved my sisters spirit in the ring that symbolizes our love. To make my ring set even more special, my wedding band has 11 small diamonds and 1 sapphire, which was Darah’s birthstone.  Additionally, Kristen and I wore pieces from Darah’s turquoise collection.

5.  Invitations

Our invitations also symbolized Darah by incorporating the murmuration into the background of the design. The simple beauty of these birds in flight was the first clue to our guests that the freedom and grace of birds would become a theme of our wedding. Our wedding programs contained the same graphics for cohesiveness. It was important to us that a traditional theme not take over our wedding, as to make it look scripted and overly uniform, but we wanted the grace and presence of Darah to shine through the use of birds and flow through the ceremony and into the party, as she would have wanted to be present for every moment of this day.  Many thanks to Charlie Wagers for making our design ideas become a reality.

6.  Ring Bearer and Flower Girl

The ring bearer, Karter, was Darah’s beloved godson. Words cannot express the relationship that these two had. She loved him deeply, as if her own, and he respected and cherished her beyond what most little toddlers are capable of. To this day, he recounts memories of her, referring to her as Big Darah. Darah has become “big Darah” because Karter now has a little sister named Darah, who was born just days before Big Darah’s birthday. Tara and Dre, parents of Baby Darah named their daughter in memory of our Darah because of the deep friendship that they shared.  Jeremiah and I were honored to become Baby Darah’s God Parents, and our families have come together in a tight bond of sharing, togetherness, and love in tribute and in honor of Big Darah.

7. Lantern

Darah, without a doubt, would have been the Maid of Honor at our wedding. Because of this, I saved the spot for her and did not name anyone else to that position.   Kristen and Madeline, two of Darah’s closest friends carried a lantern down the aisle in honor of her presence in our wedding. The lantern was placed on the mantle, overlooking the whole ceremony. We did not need a candle to know that she was with us, but it was a physical representation of her presence and a reminder of her closeness. I am deeply thankful that Maddy and Kristen took part in this special ceremony.

8. The Best is Yet to Come

When dad spoke at Darah’s funeral, he read a letter that he wrote to Darah many years ago when she went to a retreat with her high school. He wrote about all the ways in which they are similar to each other and how, because of this, he knew that for her, the best was yet to come. This saying “the Best is Yet to Come” has become a theme in the way that my family celebrates Darah and it is engraved on the stone bench by her grave. Because of this, Dad and I danced to Tony Bennett’s version of “The Best is Yet to Come” at our wedding.

9. It snowed

Darah’s last post on Facebook was “I.WANT.SNOW”, so snow is another way in which we celebrate Darah. Like any bride having an outdoor wedding, I prayed, wished, and hoped for warm and beautiful weather. For those of you who were present, you know that that wish did not come true in the traditional sense, but what did happen was even better. It snowed. Even if for only a few minutes, it was the first reminder that Darah was there. Who knew that snow on my wedding day would be the best thing that could have happened?

Julie and I gaze at her tattoo that says “I.WANT.SNOW” in Darah’s handwriting.

10. Words in Ceremony

We made sure that Darah was included in the wedding ceremony. The following words were spoken to honor her: “Jeremiah and Maureen have also asked that we take a moment 
to honor those loved ones who are not with us today especially Maureen’s beloved sister, Darah. Her spot as Maid of Honor has been reserved as we know that her energy not only fills that role, but fills this room and overflows in our hearts.” This was read by our surrogate brother, Colin Morris.

Many thanks to our families that made this day possible, for our guests that brought the energy that cannot be planned, and to our photographer, Ms. Anna Zajac (http://anna-zajac.com/), who captured the story that we told on this day.

Where to begin….

I could go on for pages and pages talking about how amazing Darah is, but everyone who knows her knows that she is a spirit and soul unlike any other. When reflecting on what I would write here I kept finding myself feeling very selfish with my thoughts and memories. As a therapist, I talked to a colleague about this as it made me feel uncomfortable…Darah would never be selfish!! After a long talk and a whole lot of validation (we therapists are so good at that) I was better able to understand my feelings. As time keeps going, and it feels like it goes so fast, I find myself holding on tighter and tighter to everything related to Darah. Pictures, saved texts and voicemails, and mainly my memories. I realized I am reluctant to share my memories because they are Darah’s and mine, something we still have, and I am not willing to let that go. With that being said, the goal of what I am writing is for everyone who reads this to think of a memory of you and Darah, something you hold near and dear, something that was just between the two of you. How lucky and privileged are we to have that? A thought, a moment, a joke, we are so lucky to be able to have these with such an incredible person.

Now, I am going against all better judgment and I am going to share something.

On Darah’s birthday I take Riley (my dog that Darah and I picked out) to the lake and just sit for a while. This year was different because I went later than usual and it was already getting dark. Just thinking, talking to Darah, and looking around, something caught my eye and brought a smile to my face and tears to my eyes. I looked over and saw the Ferris wheel at Navy Pier. In 2012, Darah came to Chicago for her birthday to visit.   We had an amazing trip…we went on a speedboat, went out to eat at delicious vegan restaurants, and did what we did best….laid in bed and talked (not to every be confused with being lazy).

During her visit I noticed an increased appreciation in everything from Darah! She refused to sleep with the blinds closed because she wanted to see the skyline every moment of the night. One day Darah and I took a speedboat architectural tour from Navy Pier. Darah then decided she wanted to go on the Ferris wheel. Now….this was not my thing…I’ve been on a roller coaster twice in my life and that was one time too many. Darah, in her fun-loving, adventurous way not only wanted to go on the Ferris wheel but also wanted to make sure she made a memorable experience. As the Ferris wheel got higher and higher, I got tense with fear, I told Darah how I was feeling (if she was telling this story she would probably say “then Kristen freaked out”). Darah then got a smile across her face and started rocking the cart back and forth until it was swinging. Within a couple seconds I was no longer sitting across from her, I was right next to her, holding her hand and yelling. Darah has always been so funny! The next thing I knew I had my phone out and we were taking pictures…clearly Darah’s rocking of the cart had calmed me down and I was present in the moment! Realizing how could this moment go by with us on top of the Ferris wheel without capturing it.

Darah had the incredible talent of bringing comfort to those around her. Amidst everything that she was going through at that time in 2012, everything she had already gone through, she was as adventurous as ever, laughed as loud as ever, and loved as much as ever. Inspirational is an understatement, Darah taught many of us how to live: be fearless, love unconditionally, live to better the lives of those around us, be grateful and appreciate everything, and never, NEVER, give up. That is something that we can all hold on to and practice. So, as I said before, I want to encourage everyone to think of a memory you hold dear of Darah. Think about how lucky you are to have the memory…it is YOURS!!!

And let’s all live our lives the way that Darah showed us how (thank you, Darah).

Written by: Kristen Maltarich

I have so many happy memories set under the hot sun on the golf course with Darah and our family.  Wish as he may, dad’s dreams of us becoming golfers never came to fruition.  We could be found either lathered in oil by the pool or driving the golf carts around the course (in all the wrong places-you can drive on the putting green, right?).  In the most famous of all golf cart stories, dad handed the cart over to Darah at the ripe young age of 4.  She did not waver at the opportunity to drive, but she did not make it very far, swiftly running into a ball washer and denting the golf cart.  This would foreshadow an imperfect driving record that Darah would grow up to aquire-but that’s for another post.

Please consider joining us on September 26th in celebration of Darah’s birthday and in an effort to raise money for The Darah Farris Memorial Scholarship.  See the flyer above for details and please note that dinner and awards will follow the Pro-Am.

We thank you from the bottom of our hearts and are deeply thankful for the love and support that you show us each and every day.  We can’t wait to continue celebrating Darah’s life and legacy with you. 

Darah and Cassady with their softball team sponsored by the “Farris Bro’s”. Darah is in the top row 3rd from the left and Cassady is in the bottom left.

I think about Darah every day. What I quickly learned after her death however was that I’ve been thinking about Darah every day for the majority of my life. Darah and I met at King School when we were 6 years old. Not only were we school friends, we were in Indian Princesses together, we struggled through at least 6 years of softball together, we transferred to the Elms together and we were just starting to figure out adulthood together.

As you can imagine, over an 18 year friendship we experienced many new things, collected an enormous amount of memories and influenced each other in many ways. For 18 years, including almost all of my ‘formative’ years, Darah was a part of my life. Because of this (as cliché as it sounds) Darah has always been a part of who I am.

Memories of time we spent together are brought to my attention from a variety of things throughout my day. For example, Blow-pops will ALWAYS remind me of Darah. They remind me of her because when she and I were in 3rd grade, we told our teacher Mrs. Jacobs that we were both allergic to the red dye in blow-pops; a lie Darah and I came up with as a means of securing one of the precious few sour-apple flavored suckers in the bag for each of us. I’m sure Mrs.Jacobs saw right through our story but she let us each have a beloved sour apple and she never once mentioned the fact that the gum inside of every blow-pop, regardless of flavor, is bright pink! Darah and I giggled about our younger selves’ mischievous plan as adults, while I ‘smuggled’ blow-pops into the ‘sugar-free zone’ Maureen was trying to create in her room at the Cleveland Clinic, sneaking to eat them whenever Mo left the room.

I also giggle every time I walk past the New Balance store by my office that has a sign in the window that reads: “What’s your shape?” with multiple examples of customer’s footprints hung below it. I laugh because Darah had the flattest feet of anyone I have ever met and I would have loved to see Darah’s solid, flat, rectangle of a footprint hanging next to all of the barely there foot prints of the other customers.

The impact Darah has on my life goes far beyond remembering all the time we spent and the things we did together. As a kid, I envied Darah’s inability to get embarrassed. It didn’t matter how loud Mr. Farris shouted her name or how many different times she got hit in the face with a softball, she would just laugh her amazing laugh and embrace it. I was always impressed with how easily Darah was able to ‘go with the flow’; nothing ever fazed Darah.

As we grew up however, I was able to see Darah’s most remarkable quality was much more inspiring than not getting embarrassed by your parents or being able to laugh at yourself. Darah was an incredibly selfless person. Despite her loud and outgoing nature, she never wanted to be the center of attention nor did she ever want anyone to recognize all of the amazing things she was doing for others.

Darah’s selflessness never ceased to amaze me. I will always remember the day Darah stopped by my parents’ house with Karter and a young girl from Abacus. It was Halloween and she had taken them trick-or-treating while their moms were at work. It was easy to see that Darah had taken them trick-or-treating because she didn’t want either of them to miss out on the fun of dressing up and getting candy, even if their moms had to work. She had been for a chemo treatment 3 days earlier.

When my parents were in a very serious car accident Darah was well into her fight and she was getting ready to start radiation treatments but she continually offered to help, always asking if she could take me to lunch, or bring anything to my dad at the clinic when she went for treatment, and she even told me SHE felt guilty for not stopping by to see my parents “as much as she should”. SHE felt guilty, the girl with fucking lung cancer felt like she wasn’t doing enough to help MY family! When I would try to point out how ludicrous it was for her to feel that way she would just laugh and ask what room my dad was in at the Clinic.

Darah was somehow able to deal with everything going on in her own life while she continued to focus on how she could help everyone around her. I am inspired by Darah daily both in the memories I have of her as well as the influence she has had on how I perceive the world. Even though my happy memories are often followed immediately by the anger and sadness of loss, I cherish them because I know that with them, I will always have a little bit of Darah with me in my life.

Written by: Cassady Horn

                        On behalf of the University of Akron and the Darah Farris Scholarship, we are proud to announce our first scholarship recipient.  She is a young woman with a driven mind and a kind heart.  We know that Darah would be so proud to be able to contribute to educating people in her community who will go on to do great things in their fields.  The ripple effect of Darah’s passions and spirit will never cease as long as we are able to provide scholarship assistance to driven young Akronites.  The following is an essay written by Natalie Anderson, the first Darah Farris Scholarship Recipient.       

            As a fellow Elms girl I understand the importance of a good education and leadership skills. Attending Our Lady of the Elms and now the University of Akron, I see how valuable these two assets are. I strive to be the best possible student I can be, and I know that The University of Akron will help me continue this. Over my four years at Our Lady of the Elms I have learned time management, leadership, equality, confidence, and many other skills. I am a well-rounded student as well as an athlete. At the Elms I participated in varsity soccer all four years, bowling all four years, and varsity softball all four years. I love being part of a family and community. My teammates are my family. We rely on each other for anything and everything.

            As I head into my freshman year at Akron I am majoring in Nursing. I know that this is not and Early Education major or a major in Social Work, which Darah was involved in. However, the two share some of the same ideas. I want to become a pediatric nurse or a neonatal nurse. I love working with children, I always have. As long as I can remember I have wanted to become a nurse. I love helping others and making a difference in their lives. Miss Farris taught inner city children and altered their lives. Her career as a teacher improved many of their lives in the simplest way. As a nurse I would be doing much of the same thing. Helping children who are sick and injured would be changing their lives. Not only would I be changing their lives they would be changing mine. My older sister just graduated and has been working at Barberton Hospital. She comes home every day with stories about the children on her floor. How much they mean to her and how wonderful they are. I truly love being around young children. They bring so much joy and happiness to my life.

            This scholarship would mean the world to me. To be recognized by another Elms family who had a daughter with the same interests as me would be so special. My family is composed of me and my three sisters. We have all attended the Elms for high school. I just graduated on Friday. My youngest sister is going to be a junior next year. She served at Darah’s memorial service at the Elms. My two older sisters attend The University of Akron. My oldest sister just graduated from the Nursing College this year. My other sister is going into her third year at Akron. With all of us attending private high schools and my parents now having two in college, this scholarship would help me take a little weight off of their shoulders. Being able to contribute some aid to them would make me feel a whole lot better. Since my education is so important to them as well as me I would greatly appreciate this scholarship.  I want to thank you for this opportunity and for your time.